Sad-urday
First of all I wanted to say thank you to everyone who downloaded the kit and left me a comment...especially to Renee who made me *blush* with her kind words.
The reason I'm so sad is that my Dad is sick with lung cancer and has gotten so much worse over the past week. He only found out he had it last October and already he only has maybe a few weeks left, as his right lung keeps filling with fluid. He lives in Missouri and I am in Massachsetts, so I am torn as to whether I should fly down to see him. He really does not want anyone to see him in his deteriorated condition, but it may be my last chance.
If anyone has been through this I would like to hear about any regrets about either going or not going. I guess I would rather remember him as I last saw him a year before he got sick. I can't even talk to him right now, because he has such shortness of breath.
He will be going home from the hospital next week with a portable drainage tube in his lung, and hospice nurses to make sure he is comfortable. His loving companion of 8 years, Evelyn, is an ex-nurse and absolute angel so I know he is in good hands. She e-mails me every couple of days with an update of his condition, and will let me know when he is home and able to talk better so I can call him next week. He's only 69 years old.
I am not sure what his beliefs are with respect to God, he has never been very religious. But I am a christian, and would like to ask for prayers that God will be kind and merciful for whatever time he has left. If anyone has comments you can leave a comment on my blog or peamail me.
I may or may not answer anytime soon.
Donna
The reason I'm so sad is that my Dad is sick with lung cancer and has gotten so much worse over the past week. He only found out he had it last October and already he only has maybe a few weeks left, as his right lung keeps filling with fluid. He lives in Missouri and I am in Massachsetts, so I am torn as to whether I should fly down to see him. He really does not want anyone to see him in his deteriorated condition, but it may be my last chance.
If anyone has been through this I would like to hear about any regrets about either going or not going. I guess I would rather remember him as I last saw him a year before he got sick. I can't even talk to him right now, because he has such shortness of breath.
He will be going home from the hospital next week with a portable drainage tube in his lung, and hospice nurses to make sure he is comfortable. His loving companion of 8 years, Evelyn, is an ex-nurse and absolute angel so I know he is in good hands. She e-mails me every couple of days with an update of his condition, and will let me know when he is home and able to talk better so I can call him next week. He's only 69 years old.
I am not sure what his beliefs are with respect to God, he has never been very religious. But I am a christian, and would like to ask for prayers that God will be kind and merciful for whatever time he has left. If anyone has comments you can leave a comment on my blog or peamail me.
I may or may not answer anytime soon.
Donna
posted by Donna Rafferty at 7:12 PM
7 Comments:
I'm praying for your Dad, yourself and the rest of your family.
As for the question of whether to visit or not... tough one. My Dad died of cancer (brain tumour)16 years ago. Five months from diagnosis to death, but he was bedridden for the last 3 months. He lived a 3 hr drive from us, and I visited every weekend for 3 months. When he died he had physically wasted away, couldn't walk or talk... and for a long time that was how I remembered him. It took ages for the image of him lying in bed to not be the first thing that popped into my mind when I thought of him. But it faded, thats not what I remember now. Its was VERY HARD seeing him so ill, something I try not to think about too often... am I glad I was there...YES! But that is me and the decision will be different for everyone. It gave me time to prepare and begin to accept that he wouldn't be in my life any more... and even though he couldn't talk towards the end, I could talk to him. I was so grateful that when he died I didn't feel there was anything unsaid between us.
I think you just need to follow your heart...there is no right or wrong decision, there is no easy one and either way its going to be painful.
Trust that God will watch over and guide you and I am sure that God is also watching over your father.
Sorry this is so long...take care
Oh I am so sorry.
I would go. I loved my Dad more than life and was with him around the clock until he died. That extra time with him is so precious to me. I told him over and over again how much I love him, and talked to him about a lot of good times from my childhood and how grateful I was. Even when I was quiet and he _seemed_ totally out of it, he'd suddenly squeeze my hand, to let me know he was aware of my presence. When I ran out of things to say but I wasn't sleepy, I read to him out of the Psalms etc. As difficult as it was to literally see his soul leave this earth, I don't think I could have come to terms with that happening when I was not there.
I'm sure that, even if this is not your concern, it would also mean a lot to his companion if you were there.
I wish you peace, whatever your decision. It has been three years for me and I still struggle with the void, wanting my Dad :(
I am so sorry for your loss, no matter when it actually happens. I am a christian and have been a volunteer for Hospice.
I make big decisions based on what I can live with. If you need to see him to say goodbye, go. It maybe tough on him but his is about you too. I sat with one lady whose husband wanted no services AT All so I sat with her while she said her goodbyes as the funeral director wheeled him out her front door. She abided by his wishes but not sure it was the best thing for her.
Whatever you decide, I pray for peace for you. Tough days that we each have to walk thru sometime. Blessings my friend...zalaine
So sorry to hear about your Dad. I have not been in your situation but I do often wonder about my parents because I am in another country. I think I would go and see him-even if he doesn't want to be seen like this, I think it will be helpful for you. Also, as a Christian also, I will pray that God gives you the words to say to your Dad. It might just be the reason you visit him. I have heard so many beautiful testimonies from people in similar situations. I pray the Lord speaks through you to your Dad and you will have such a peace when you visit him!! Please continue to let us know how we can pray for you. I will bookmark your blog so I can keep up!
Go !
I lost both inlaws last year, 2 months apart. FIL was diagnosed with lung cancer in June and we decided to gather the family together to celebrate his birthday mid July while he was still well enough to enjoy it. We thought he had 6 months to a year, but he died 4 days later. I am soooo glad that he had that time with the kids (unfortuantely my DD, DH and I were sick at the time and didn't make it there but the others all flew in). Yes, it is sad to see when they are failing and they don't have their spark. But that is not the way you will remember him, after a short time. You will see him as your heart has known him for years.
Check with his loved one but don't ask for his permission to come. He may say no, but I bet he will love the touch of your hand when you get there.
He may not be able to talk but he can listen and you have a VERY important message to share with him. I pray that his ears and heart will be open.
I'm sorry about this, really i am but i think you should go. When my grandma had cancer she was in the hospital a lot. I have never visited her even once because i was ashamed. i was pregnant and unwedded, no one in my family knew i was pregnant because i ran away from home. When she passed i had just gave birth to my ds 3 weeks ago. I didn't go to her funaral because again i was ashamed. I regreted, she have always love me and my mom have told me she was looking for me in the hosipital. I miss her so much and regret every moment of thinking of myself. So i really think you should go.
Take care
~Mindy~
Reading about your father reminded me of mine. He passed away nearly 2 years ago now, of lung cancer.
I too was torn over seeing\not seeing him but I made the trip and saw him. It was the best decision and I'm so glad I went. He passed away not quite a week after my visit. What I received during my last visit with him is a gift, one that I've waited all my life for, to see and hear that he truly loved me. He was an alcoholic while I was growing up so you can imagine, there wasn't the usual father\daughter relationship, strangers yet family, in fact we never bonded until that final last visit. Yes it's hard seeing them like that but one must have the final goodbye even if it's within ones' own heart. My mother passed a month after my father, very unexpectedly, I never got to say goodbye to her. To this day I still grieve and suffer her loss but no agony or regret is felt with my father's passing and I believe it's because I saw him and had that final visit-where in my heart, I told him goodbye.
Though I don't know you, my heart goes out to you. :)
Sincerely,
Beth
MooodeeBeth@yahoo.com
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