It seems like I have lived a lifetime since my last post. So much has happened. I have not been able to write about it all until now, and even now it is so hard.
In my last couple of posts, I was asking for advice on whether to travel to Missouri to visit my Dad, who was very ill with lung cancer. After reading all the posts here and at the 2Peas website I decided that I should go, and I left on Monday, June 24th, I drove down and arrived on Tuesday, June 25th.
My father passed away 3 days after I arrived. It was so very hard to see him that way. I was in such shock when I first saw him, so pale and thin, no hair, with tubes and oxygen. The first thing he said to me was "I wish you didn't come" I do know that he only meant that he did not want me to see him like that, but it still hurt to hear it. And he could hardly speak at all, his breathing was so difficult. I have tears on my face now just thinking about him. I am glad he is not suffering any more...I prayed that God would take him soon after I got there, I knew there was no way he was getting better, and he was struggling so hard to hang on that it broke my heart. I have never cried so much and I will miss him forever. I did try to talk to him about Jesus, but I am not sure how much it meant to him, or even if he understood. He did say to one of his hospice nurses that he does not believe in an afterlife. But I pray that God will allow us to be together again someday though.
I am just so glad that he is in a better place right now. And I know even though he did not have faith in God, our Father is merciful and will be there when he is needed most. My father's companion, Evelyn, and I both stayed near him the whole time. We cried and prayed, and we told him we loved him, and that it was OK for him to leave. My sister Jean arrived on Friday, April 28th, just long enough to say goodbye, and then two hours later, he was gone. My Daddy...gone...
